Posts tagged #self-reflection


I work in front of a mirror 24-4, it used to be 24-5 or 6.  It is everything but normal to be in front of the mirror this much.  In fact, I know I am a different person because of it. My mother used to harp on me because I tended to my personal grooming before doing chores.  She much preferred the sight of me working than playing.  I didn't see much beauty in my immediate environment-- I starved for my parents attention and emotional connection.   So I used my garments and my hair as a way to express some beauty, not really knowing what I was doing.  The act of beautfying myself emerged from a desperate feeling, and yet a place so deep. 

I came to know beauty early as a regime.  You bathe, you apply makeup, you put a lot of attention to what you wear.  I watched my four older sisters, who needed and competed for daddy's attention, it was all about adorning themselves.  We all left the house one way, and around the corner, we shortened the hemline of our skirts.

Even so, I disliked what the mirror reflected back to me, in fact, I hated what I saw.  Somehow, I knew if I faced into it though, a transformation could occur, therein lay a lifetime of work in dealing with the ego.  And even though I cut the hair of the neighborhood kids, and my own at age 11, I had no suspicion that my line of work would involve thousands of hours standing in front of the mirror and helping others make contact with the their own inner beauty.

I turn away often to what I see, I don't want to see.  And when I can look long enough, I don't know who it is I see, and I don't want anyone else to see me.  Each time feels different.  Already this feels like too much focus on the subject.  At some point you've got let it go.

What would it be like to have no mirrors?  

Posted on December 7, 2007 and filed under Inner Beauty.